First world problems are flammable.
We all build fires that steal from us
Extraordinary events can cause clarity. If you allow for it.
Extraordinary events can sometimes rip you out from the repetitive dull slumber and auto-pilot guided routines that more and more frequently govern the daily lives of many of us.
In fact, the vast majority are asleep, to some degree and on auto-pilot more than not.
At least those of us here in the first world West. We used to say ‘first world problems’ and it had a different connotation than I think it does now.
First world problems.
Days full of rise and repeat tasks. Rise. Brush teeth. Dress. Coffee. Check email. Scroll. Half listen to family members drone about something. Car. Commute. Traffic. Scroll. Anger. Work. Idiots. Meetings. Fast Food. Frustration. Emails. Coffee. Scroll. Car. Commute. Adult Beverage. Dinner. Half listen to family members drone about something. TV. Brush teeth. Bed. Then do it all again.
The same year of the same activities blandly punctuated with the same vacation to the same place in wherever for a week. Sixty, seventy or eighty rotations around the sun of generally the same year, adjusted for age and ability.
First world problems.
This past week was full of ups and downs-sort of. Not every day ups and downs. But, more commonly, I find my life isn’t anymore…normal.
One of our family dogs, a 13 year old lab, is dying and watching and supporting her through this process is hard. She is not in pain, just failing. I hope she feels free to go naturally. Watching her, I see something different.
On May 30 of this year, about 6 weeks ago, I had an unexpected invitation to go where she is headed myself but I came back. I was on a training ride and was hit from behind in a violent hit and run accident that hit me so hard it stopped my heart and left me with nearly 15 broken bones. I was going 15 and whoever hit me from behind was probably going (according to the trauma specialists) close to 70 on an empty County Road with a 35 mph speed limit.
Watching a loved one, be it a person or a pet die can be hard. Because that is what we see. Death. An end. But we only see what we are capable of seeing. This one narrow dimension and view we have reduced ourselves to living within.
There is so much more and what lies on the other side of this makes what we experience here pale and dull. But that is the filter we have chosen to apply to what is here. That’s why it is pale, repetitive and dull. The truth is far from perception.
I wrote about my experience right after the hit and run earlier and what happened right after the accident. Here is the link.
Like I said, when something extraordinary occurs, things can change. Or more precisely, we can see reality through a different perspective. We can choose to wake up.
A few days ago I was filled to the brim with frustration. Nothing else. Just a heaping helping of high calorie, nutritionally bankrupt frustration.
It’s one of highest low frequency emotions I believe. Something had happened, an action by another which demonstrated a callous, selfish disregard for truth, clear communication and the efforts of others. Not just me, but a number of people who reached out with a ‘WTF’ when everyone found out. This was “I don’t want to play nice, it is my way or the high way, I don’t want to communicate or be a productive member of a team.” It was an amateur move. Worse, the bad actor doesn’t fully understand or care. Yet, things just go on status quo.
All I could think about was replaying what happened. More frustration please. Yes, another dollop. Put some gravy on it too. Ahh yes. That’s it. Over and over. Louder an louder the past event was stuck on replay in my head. As it grew, it seemed to feed something in me but it was, I thought later, all empty calories. Useless.
Regardless, I had to get away from the computer. I was working from home, so I chose to go for a walk. A well traveled path that led past a couple of nearby ponds and through a small stand of woods. As I walked, I continued to replay the event, adding tinder to the growing blaze. Thoughts of what would happen the next day. An encounter. A discussion. A disagreement. And so on. I added more tinder and the fire grew. Fast. It quickly became a searing blaze bordering on out of control, burning everything in sight on the mental stage I had started it. The blistering heat, light and sound of what was playing out, the frustration and anger it now threw off obscured everything. As I walked, I saw and experienced nothing but that fire.
For an instant, something rather mundane caught my eye. A dragonfly hovering just in front at eye level, just off to the right. The azure blue glint off it’s busy wings caught my eye.
“Huh, that’s oddly beautiful”, I told myself as I stopped staring at the dragonfly hovering just a few feet away.
The blaze faded a bit, now being starved of fuel through my shift in attention to the dragonfly. Then I noticed something else. The sound of a breeze sifting through a myriad of sycamore and elm tree leaves which now made up the canopy over my head.
Shafts of sunlight flittered along with the sounds of the breeze bouncing through the leaves overhead. I had stopped. I could hear the hum of the dragonfly now as it moved closer to inspect me.
“What else?”, I asked myself. A mower way off in the distance, a gentle constant hum. There was. more. “Go deeper. Peel apart what you hear.” There it was, under the leaves. A legion of crickets buzzing up and down in unison. Behind that, or perhaps beside the crickets were the shaper calls of birds. Up and to the right. Off to the left. Straight ahead. No wait. Not just ‘birds’. Sparrows. Finches. A BlueJay and a Crow chiming in all on beat. They played in a clear and in tune harmony as if against a score. Nothing fought with anything else. There was no discord.
The fire in my mind was gone. The moments of yesterday and tomorrow, evaporated. The feelings of frustration and the growing wave of anger had followed suit. What my mind had created and I had been taken briefly hostage by was no match for the power of what is. The ‘is’ that lies often beyond what we register. The 50 unique sounds we perceive as only one. The smells we ignore. The beauty we are immune from seeing.
As I stood there, I realized I had just learned a profound lesson. This lesson can best be summed up in a quote by the philosopher Alan Watts,
“Our ordinary everyday consciousness leaves out more than it takes in.”
I wasn’t in some far flung ancient forest. No. We don’t need the excuse of needing to retreat to perfection in order to find it.
I was in a small stand of wood. Less than five acres of trees on a crushed stone path. In a suburb. With benches every 500 feet. I was ringed by a neighborhood. A nearly pool, tennis courts and even a brewery were a three minute walk from where I stood. During that moment, I realized that nature’s energy and power, and our essential connection is everywhere, if you are open to it and allow it to find you.
As I stood there quietly, I reached out with intention and a silent question. I waited for a response standing amidst the now endless sounds. And, after a moment, I got one.
“This is what is. What is, is what carries you. What is, is what protects you. What is is what loves you. Draw your power, your comfort, your understanding and inspiration from what is . Only from here.”
I remained immersed in that for a moment, letting its quiet power and high frequency energy wash over and through me. Listening to the endless number of unique sounds this little stand of woods all vocalizing together in a quiet yet powerful symphonic masterpiece, I got it.
My, how many sounds there were. How much I have ignored the thousand times I have walked through here tending fires in my head or listening to chatter in my earbuds. It all flowed consciously together as if by some great unseen conductor in perfect harmony. Rising and falling, all perfectly timed.
It has always been there. Patiently waiting to be noticed, appreciated, tapped into and put to good use.
This is where the trap door into all possibility and spiritual connection along with all its power to nourish and direct resides. It isn’t a door or a portal per se, but it is.
It is the Gateless Gate. And, it is right there in front of you. Hidden in plain sight. Can you find it?