Since my hit and run accident and the concussion which accompanied the myriad of fractures and broken bones, I’ve found that I think and speak differently. I move to the heart of the matter quicker. I don’t know if this is a neurological thing or a new how-I-view-life thing. Doesn’t really matter, as the outcome is the same.
How I see reality is different today. As the beautifully eloquent philosopher, Alan Watts once pointed out,
“the ordinary consciousness of everyday life, leaves out more than it takes in.”
I was reminded of this just this past Sunday. My wife and I were out running errands, she was driving since my neurologists have prohibited my doing so until my next evaluation on July 16th. Still several very long weeks away. Till then, I am a Passenger Prince.
What we saw Sunday, repeated over and over when driving around, moving through parking lots and engaging with others, including shoppers, staff and store management in multiple locations was alarming.
It was a beautiful but very warm day. No great calamities were occurring. No traffic jams, no national threat level increases, no further jump in interest rates. Just the normal political noise and societal unrest globally. Our metro area only had three shootings the night before (this is sarcasm. Our town of Indianapolis has way, way, way too many violent crimes).
Nonetheless, this quiet corner of our universe should have been quietly humming along on a Sunday morning.
I quickly became aware of what I was witnessing within the first fifteen minutes after leaving the house. I began testing my observations against experiences throughout the day.
What I saw reflected the absence of the things I list before and the observation of a repetitive pattern of the four symptoms outlined below.
As you read this and believe I am wrong or off base, please test it yourself a few days then let me know. I truly hope I am wrong or have missed the mark.
What I am writing about begins with a lack of Intention. Intention defines what you seek for yourself, not how how you get there. If you go through your day, your week, your year without reflection and self awareness, you are asleep. On autopilot. You lack intention and you will repeat the same year over and over a dozen, seventy or eighty times and then die without living. You have just existed.
I don’t say this to be harsh. I did this for too many years myself. It took coming 3 centimeters from death to incentivize me to double down on a different approach. All I am doing is sharing my perspective in the hopes you can use it to reframe your own reality.
Never, ever, ever underestimate the power of intention.
Intention is one of the items I reference above as the ‘Power Trio’ which are a requirement for healthy people and healthy societies.
Again, this is just my opinion, but there is a growing body of science to back this up.
Here is what I see the Power Trio consisting of:
INTENTION. Intention is what you see for yourself and how you set about to achieve this state that you visualize for yourself. It requires you to be conscious, of yourself and your true surroundings. It sets forth what is possible and with the other two of the Power Trio, what is probable.
GRIT. Doing the hard work. Doing the right thing, even if it doesn’t benefit you. Not quitting. Pushing through fear, self doubt and pain. It is not written we are entitled to a life without pain. On the contrary, pain and adversity are our greatest allies. They make us stronger. Grit can be as simple as having the courage to call a friend and telling them you are not OK and honestly sharing your pain. It can be pulling out tools when you feel a wave of anxiety or anger or even jealousy. It can be compartmentalizing physical pain that is so far in excess in what you thought was possible because your child is with you in the ER and your purpose in that moment is minimizing her fear and trauma. All of that is Grit. Today, a growing number of us lack Grit. We seek comfort. Short cuts. Minimum effort.
These short cuts are not serving us as individuals or as a society well.
Grit is the mental and emotional equivalent of our body’s immune system. Without Grit or a strong immune system, we can succumb easily to small things.
And, when something big and ugly shows up, we are simply not prepared to withstand it.
AWARENESS. This is the third of the Power Trio. Awareness of yourself and your condition,…your place in the world and your context of it. If you believe the world is an evil place or a beautiful place, you are right.
What I observed Sunday and my observations after reflecting on all of it, plus what I have seen now for a growing length of time, is a a repetitive, ever growing pattern that is marching to some tipping point. I have no idea what that is, but it probably isn’t good. And, it has all the hallmarks of a pandemic. Like a pandemic, it is equally dangerous to each of us as it is to all of us.
Here are the symptoms I see:
SYMPTOM ONE: Cognitive Dissonance and Self Absorption. You see it on the news. On airplanes, In parking lots. On social media. On the road. Virtually everywhere. It is more common than not it seems.
SYMPTOM TWO: A lack of Personal Accountability and Awareness. We all play individual roles in social structures. When we cease caring about the quality of who we are and what we do, because we no longer give a shit or feel being or doing your personal best matters, the strength and stability of our social structures become tenuous at best. Watch the news tonight and you will find any number of localized examples of this which are now simultaneously repeating in a growing number of places like Ebola hot spots.
It’s like one of the employees in one of the stores we encountered said, “it ain’t my job to help you find that. Ask somebody else.”
SYMPTOM THREE: Entitlement. We all believe to some greater or lesser degree we deserve more than we often get. Here is a news flash. We don’t deserve anything. We get out what we put in. Just because we are born into a station in life, such as an incredibly wealthy family or a position of royalty, isn’t because we deserve it but rather the randomness of chance. Ask any self made person from Jay-Z to Simone Biles to Warren Buffet and ask them if they were entitled to receive what they earned, they’d laugh. Even a lottery jackpot winner would tell you they just got lucky.
And, for those who put the hard work in, the results often look very different than what they thought.
And actually that’s the beauty of it— Surprise. The unexpected methods of how the universe manifests. Part of the value in the work is in the journey, the experience and the doing. Not the rewards heaped upon us. The fame and notoriety. Those things are always fleeting and hollow, leaving you wanting more.
Entitlement is a beast that cannot be satiated, but once its hunger is roused it cannot be easily put to bed.
SYMPTOM FOUR: A lack of Self Awareness and Healthy Social Connections. This is different than Symptom One. Symptom Four is telling yourself you are OK when you are probably not and simply ignoring the problem. You have to recognize it and work the problem. Ignoring problems with yourself or your friends will result in bad things happening. Use your imagination of how this can manifest. I bet you easily can.
For strong social connections—friends who you support and who support you in both good and bad times requires all three of the of the Power Trio to be put to use.
Are we screwed? Can we address these symptoms?
Yes, but like any good airline crew who instructs us “that in case of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.” We must work on ourselves first.
Share this piece with your friend network then work to help and support you best mates. Then talk to them about it.
Share this with the 1-5 people you care about most. Then move past it to other things. Be genuine. Listen actively. Communicate frequently, if only a text checking on them. Tell them you love them. Even if you are a guy and they are guys. And mean it. Log off social media or get rid of the feeds that don’t serve you. Steer clear of toxic people, and when you can’t, respond with empathy or a caring interaction.
What you do matters more than what they do. Don’t respond in kind or escalate. Short circuit the virus of negatively and narcissism.
This approach has the same ability to grow and extend virally, just as easily as the negative energies that are currently encroaching upon us.
While the Power Trio is surely not the only way to reverse course, can you think of a good reason not to try it?